5 Ways to Be Assertive and Say “No”

Are you one of the many that finds it difficult to be assertive and say “no” to people’s requests? Let us be honest, there just aren’t enough hours in the day to appease EVERYONE, so, the art of saying “no” without hurting the feelings of others becomes a very important skill to acquire.

 

Just because you need to say “no” doesn’t mean you have to be rude about it.  Trust me, there are plenty of assertive, yet polite, ways by which you can tell people “no” when the need arises.

 

Here are some ways you can say “no” without being rude or impolite:

 

1. “No” to now, but “yes” to later. “I’m very busy at the moment. Perhaps someone else can help you. If not, I’ll have time later in the week to help you out.”  

   This is a great way to say “no.” It’s assertive, but also positive and kind. You let the person know there’s no way you can do what they are asking at the moment. However, you give them the option to ask someone else or wait until you have the time to help out.  If possible, I would even suggest who that other person might be – as long as you believe they could actually help.

2. “No” unless something changes. “I’m very flattered that you have asked me. But, I am not currently in a position where I can that on. Perhaps we could talk about it another time in case circumstances change”  

   This statement says “no” while still being very polite. You let them know how thrilled you are that they have asked you, but then you are honest about how little time you have to commit to their request. You have also left the ball back in their court on getting back to you another time, rather then taking it on to get back to them.

3. A definitive “No.” “I am sorry to disappoint you, but I am not able to. I am afraid that I will overextend myself.” This answer while still being very kind and polite enables them to understand where you are coming from.

    

   Here, you express regret for having to disappoint them, yet you still let them know that this is a solid “no.” Undoubtedly, they will understand you do not want to overextend yourself, which makes them sympathetic to your plight as well.

4. “No” to attend an event. “I had a great time before, but I won’t be able to make it this time I already have something planned.”  

    

   At times you may get asked to an event you do not have time to attend or you honestly do not want to attend.  Do not feel you are obligated to go. This statement lets the person know you have had a great time in the past, yet you are already scheduled for something else or busy this time around. 

5. “No” to loaning money. “I really wish I could but I make it my practice not to loan money to friends and family.” You let them know that you wish you could loan them the money, yet you go on to explain why you will not do so. Making it clear that this is the practice you have for everyone, and you are not just saying “no” to them personally.

    

   Money is often the one thing that many people ask for from their friends and family. It is a difficult situation and you walk a fine line to avoid insulting them or hurting their feelings. This statement is a nice way to be assertive and say “no” while still being kind.

 

For some reason, parents (and I speak from experience) all too often feel the need to always say “yes.” Whether to helping in your child’s classroom, working at a PTA function, or going to yet another classmate’s birthday party, you may feel like these are things you must fit into your already busy schedule.  Avoid that must feeling.

 

Remember, you can take control of your family’s calendar – and your sanity – by saying “no” to some offers that come your way. Saying “no” in a pleasant tone of voice will not lose you any friends; but it will allow you to set boundaries so you can enjoy life rather than racing through it.

Think Successfully & Take Action!
Tracy
Today’s Top Motivated Coach & Author of Success Atlas Programs
http://www.SuccessAtlas.com

Reflection: On the highway of life, work should not drive you.

Today’s reflection takes on the stress we all encounter at work.  Whether you are a janitor, a jokey, a DJ, or work at home in your PJs you will encounter stress at the ‘office.’  The key is how you face and respond to that stress.  Your ability to respond appropriately is a HUGE determinate on the out come of the situation.

 

On the highway of life, work does not drive you. You drive your work by remaining calm and continuing to be positive.
When stress rears it ugly head, pause, breath (no really take a couple deep diaphramic breaths) and think or even say out loud: “I am in control of my emotions and my work. I am and will be successful because I am dedicated to my job and passionate about my life.”

 

When I personally get stressed, I pause and focus on the big picture – what is it that the team is trying to accomplish overall.  Keeping the big picture in mind will help clarify the situation.  I also try something a little different then many.  I like to play drums so when I get tensed up – I will often play some air drums to a favorite song in my head.  Or tap out that beat on the desk, my legs or what ever is within reach.  Last Christmas my nephew bought me a set of finger drums that are about 5” high and look like a full set of drums for a mouse to play.  They actually play.  I use them to tap out my beat when sitting at my desk.  Because I enjoy drumming so much my mind steers away from the stressful feelings and my body relaxes, enabling me to come back ready to respond as I need to.  Find out what your little stress recovery trick is – come up with some little method to get your mind relaxed so you can refocus positively and respond successfully. 

 

When you get to work or started at work, embrace your assignments with a positive attitude. Believe that: Challenges are a welcomed part of your life because they revive the creativity within you.  This positive focus and welcomed approach to new challenges will enable you to seek out the good in every situation. Challenges usually result in change, big or small, and I have found that the best way to handle change is to be a part of it, or better yet to be the one leading the change.

 

Always remember to stay calm under pressure. In my decades working in corporate America I have found many people have a monkey on their back due to lack of preparation and prior planning.  Do not let people continually come into your office to share their problem and leave that monkey that was on their back on your desk.  Another person’s lack of preparation does not constitute an emergency in your life. Appropriately stand up for yourself and know when to say no.  Of course I know there will be those times that taking on someone else’s problem monkey will be a required part of your duties – life is all about balance.  If you stand up for yourself and know when you say “No,” you will find fewer stress causing monkeys on your desk and more time for you to act on your success.

 

Drive your work; do not let it either drag you around, or enslave you. Again, here is where the big picture comes into play. I am happy to complete my work because it is valuable to me and it makes a difference to others.  When I get comments from my audience on how my article, speech or talk show inspired or impacted them – I am motivated to get through the drudgery that is a part of all jobs at sometime or another.  I am reminded what my best friend once said to me many years ago.  He was working as a janitor for a major trucking company in their Los Angeles hub.  His hours were long, his shift was in the middle of the night but at least his pay was good.  I asked him why he was doing that when he could do so much more. His response, “My wife works during the day, this job enables me keep the kids at home rather than day care.  I get to spend quality time with them during their development years and bond close with them.”  He had a big picture in mind, one where his children came first even over an office with a window.

 

The point of this article is that being in the driver’s seat leads you to enjoy life all that much more. Your optimism will keep you miles ahead of your obligations, because a positive attitude will cause you to be proactive about the things that need to be done.

 

Here are some questions to ask yourself about your attitude towards work, your reaction to pressure etc.  Answer them honestly and then reflect on how you can improve, even a little bit, starting right NOW!

 

Self-Reflection Questions: 

1. What kind of attitude do I display toward my work?
2. How do I react under pressure?
3. How can I be more proactive?

 

Think Successfully & Take Action
Tracy Brinkmann 

Today’s Top Motivated Coach & Author of Success Atlas Programs
Check out my new eBook “Write Your Success Story” at http://www.WriteYourSuccessStory.com
Sign up for my eZine at http://www.SuccessAtlas.com

7 Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem

I think you would agree that we all need, even want a healthy self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Both a healthy self-esteem and self-worth are crucial to our ability to live a successful and contented life.  Many people will look to others, like their family, friends and peers to gauge their own level of self-worth.  Many more will use their material success, bank accounts, houses, & cars to put a veneer on their self-esteem.  What we all need to understand is:

• The most important assessment is how you feel about yourself.

 

The number of things you can do to boost your self-esteem is just as long as the ones you can do to deflate it.  So, if you can, or are, taking steps to deflate it why not use that same energy to take those all important steps to boost it?  By taking the steps to build your own self-worth and well-being, you’re practicing the best form of preventative medicine possible.

 

Here are the top seven ways to boost your self-esteem:

1. Do things you love. Doing the things you love can actually enable you to get ‘high on life.’  The more time you spend doing things you love to do, the better it makes you feel. You will physically get ‘high on life’ because doing the things you enjoy causes your brain to produce higher levels of dopamine and Norepinephrine.  Dopamine alters the brain’s speed for more focused attention and thrill sensations.  Norepinephrine is yet another brain stimulator that gives more ‘oomph’ to even the most routine tasks.

   Engaging in activities we love also helps us recall previous times we have done the activity. Recalling those positive memories increases our self-esteem. Your favorite activities are often things you do well, which is a factor in increasing our self-esteem.

2. Strengthen your strengths. If you have read my previous blog entries or listened to my blogtalkradio show then you know I would rather you focus more on strengthening your strengths then your weaknesses.  When you exercise your strengths, not only do you become stronger but your self-esteem rises as well. You naturally feel proud of the things you excel at and those things cause you to feel better about yourself.

   Spend time working on, building, and renewing your strengths, and your inner approval rating will soar.   Note: Just because you are not great at one of your strengths now does not mean you can not BE great at it with practice and effort.
    

3. Surround yourself with positive people. Positive attitudes and energy are like an electrical charge carried from one person to the next via smiles, words and actions. When you spend time in the company of positive people, or your Junto Crew as I like to call them, your attitude will lift to match theirs.  Even better is the fact that should one of your Junto Crew be down you can lift them up with your energy – this helping of others further increases your self-esteem
    
4. Measure your worth based on yourself, not on others. We all see the world from the viewpoint of our own biases and past circumstances. When one person spews negative thoughts onto another, it is often a far greater reflection on their own deficiencies than that of the person they are attacking.  There are two ways to be the tallest building in the city. 1) Build your building higher 2) Tear down all the other buildings.  Choose to be #1

   Evaluating your self-esteem purely on the opinions of others is never a good idea. Instead, take your value from what you know to be true about yourself. This inside out approach is far more effective and controllable then the other way around.
    

5. Believe in yourself. Trust in your own internal ability to achieve what-so-ever you set your mind to accomplish. When you truly believe that you are capable of reaching your goals, you unleash your ability to do so from deep within.  Start small if you need to and slowly build up to the unstoppable and unshakable belief, self-worth and self-esteem you desire.
    
6. Set your thoughts on the things you want to attract. Knowing specifically what you want to accomplish and thinking about it on a regular basis tells your mind, “This is important to me.”  This activates your RAS (Reticular Activating System), and your RAS will keep on the look out for information, situations and people that will help bring you closer to its accomplishment.  Albert Einstein determined all things are made of energy and energy attracts more of the same energy. Focusing your thoughts and energy on those specific things you desire most in your life keeps those things moving toward you.  Each step closer enhances your self-esteem.
    
7. Affirm positive present tense thoughts to yourself.   We have all heard the “Fake it, until you make it” mentality.  Positive present tense “act as if” Affirmations work on the “Fake it, until you make it” principle. Instead of saying, “I want to be happy,” say, “I am a happy person.” Say it out loud everyday. 

   Build your own arsenal of positive affirmations to pull you toward that which you desire.  As you begin to “reprogram” your subconscious to see it and believe it as the truth, you will soon be feeling that truth every day. *See my previous blog post on affirmations for detailed info.

There you are seven simple steps to boost your self-esteem.  All seven are easy to put into practice in your day-to-day life. Start today to enhance your self-worth and self-esteem into the foundation of the unshakable character you deserve and desire. Do this and I can safely say – Your life will never be the same.

Think Successfully & Take Action!
Tracy Brinkmann 
Today’s Top Motivated Coach & Author of Success Atlas Programs http://successatlas.com/

PS
Looking for a new and unique way to start achieving you goals?  My new eBook “Write Your Success Story” is just that.  http://writeyoursuccessstory.com/ 

PSS
Link up with like minded success oriented people such as yourself at a social networking site focused on your success.  http://juntocrew.com/

PSSS [lol]
Because I’m here for you the reader – If you have any personal/professional development topics you’d like to have me blog about let me know.  BlogTopics@SuccessAtlas.com

 

 

Battle With Burn Out

Letting yourself reach the point where you are burnt out, worn down and used up is a threat to your dreams, goals and your life’s happiness.   The physical manifestation of burnout, or an overload of stress, is your body’s natural response to the pressures you are placed under and that place it under during the course of your day.  Worse yet when you place yourself in a stressful situation in your mind through worry and fret, your body reacts as if  physically placed in that situation.  Your body’s natural defenses go into action.

 

Perhaps you are stressed and anxious about an upcoming interview, big presentation or sales meeting.  But your body’s natural defenses are reacting as if a gang of thugs cornered you in a dark alley.  Your heart quickens, you become sweaty, and your thoughts are broken and scattered.  Too much stress can actually wear you down, as your body fights to keep up this level of defense.  You can easily see how this will negatively impact your effectiveness towards accomplishing your goals. 

 

But at the root level the cause of the stress is more the issue than the stress itself.  This root cause is what really can generate a sense of hopelessness, a reduction in productivity, bear a heavy weight on relationships, shatter dreams, and in some cases even result in chemical dependency.

 

However, you can learn to response to your stress and anxiety in a manner that will avoid these horror stories and stop the disaster before it destroys your road to success.

 

Signs that your stress is reaching the danger zone:

•    Bored (not just when there is nothing to do)
•    Do not feel appreciated/loved/cared for
•    Overly Tense
•    Aggravated/Frustrated
•    Short Fuse – quick to get angry
•    Frequently/Constantly tired or exhausted
•    Hate getting up in the morning (often don’t)
•    Frequently being late to work, meetings, etc.
•    Skipping work
•    Frequently ill  
•    Frequently Forgetting things (tasks, items, date etc.)     
•    Resist change
•    Procrastinates
•    Feeling hopeless (no light at the end of the tunnel)
•    Alcohol or drug consumption increasing

  

 

Having trouble with a number of these signs?  Well then you could be doing battle with burnout.  Burnout is a slow burn and can come upon you so leisurely that you do not even realize it.  Listen to your body (and your friends).  Knowing is step one to winning the burnout battle.

 

This topic does not go over well with some.  Often it goes over the least with the determined, go-getters of the world.  They say, “Bah, I’m just doing what I do best.  Getting ahead, getting things done.  Sure I burn the mid-night oil but that’s how I get ahead.”  These highly motivated and un-wavering people are at the highest level of risk.  They become inundated with their high expectations of themselves and their enthusiasm to achieve their dreams.

 

If you are passionate about being a success.  If you feel the need to be in control all the time.  And if you frequently over commit yourself with tasks and responsibilities, then you too are at risk of becoming a contender in the burnout battle.

 

Attitude and a positive viewpoint of your life will positively influence your vulnerability.  As I said earlier, it is your attitude toward a demand or pressure rather than the actual demand or pressure that causes the stress.  Learn to manage your stress.  Now this sometimes means making the tough decisions.  Remembering to take care of yourself, both mentally and physically.  Accepting responsibility for your well being and making positive life choices.  Take the time to list the things that are causing you undo stress (the root causes. List them all – even the ones that you enjoy but still result in stress.  Once you complete the list, break it into two categories; conditions you can change and conditions you cannot change.

 

Sit down and work out a plan to resolve the stressful conditions that you can change.  Then work the plan.  Remember, coming up with the plan alone won’t do it.  You have to work the plan and remove the stress from your life and from you list.

 

As for the conditions that you are unable to change.  Look at better ways to react to them.  The conditions themselves aren’t causing the stress; your attitude/reaction to the conditions is causing the stress.  Some of the material I have shared with you in the past (last issue on Attitude for example) can prepare you to better react to these conditions positively.  You can’t stop these waves of stress, so learn to surf them.

 

Think Successfully and Take Action!
Tracy

Today’s Top Motivated Coach & Author of Success Atlas Programs
Check out my new ebook “Write You Success Story” http://www.WriteYourSuccessStory.com
Sign up for my ezine http://www.SuccessAtlas.com
Stop by the social network just for personal developement minded folks like yourself http://www.JuntoCrew.com

Building Character and Strengthening Relationships by Opening Up

Over the course of my 4 plus decades on this lovely planet I have learned something very special when it comes to relationships.  My relationships give me strength and by sharing my thoughts and feelings with others, I build character.  So the lesson is quite simply: I am able to build both character and strength via my relationships.

 

Do not get me wrong, there have been times when I was too scared to allow others to see the true me. I protected my hidden passions, my unconventional thoughts, my deeply held values and parts of my belief system; all because I was worried that I might not be accepted. There were even times I shelved some of my core values as a result of these fears?  Have you?

 

Luckily, I came to understand that this fear is normal, and I bravely moved past being overly concerned about what everyone else thought.  This has enabled me to truly experience, and enjoy who I was – so, I could grow into who I am.  But more importantly, I have come to learn that the real reward was my increased ability to more intimately experience and enjoy all those that I formed and form relationships with.

 

Trusting in other people means that you will have share yourself with them. Not just the good stuff, you will have to reveal some of your faults and your foibles as well.  Revealing the chinks in your armor to those that you care about will allow them to more quickly do so in return. If you want to build character and strengthen your relationships, you will have to be brave for it takes courage to honestly invite others into your life.

 

• Reflection Affirmation
  True fulfillment comes from becoming connected to others and my inner self.

Each part of yourself that you share is like adding a new link in your relationship chain. With each new link you add you can extend yourself further to others.  So I urge you to constantly build that chain.

 

When others are in need, they know that I am there to help. Because I have extended a strong chain, they have come to know that they can reach out and grasp it. This is how I have built strong relationships in my life.  You can do the same thing, each and every day.  By sharing more of you, you invite others to open themselves up. You will feel more connected to the people in your life because you will come to see who they truly are. There in lies life’s truer reward: To feel bonded to good people.
Work hard to create fulfilling personal relationships. Extending yourself to others is worthwhile. You will deepen your character and strengthen your relationships by simply and bravely opening up to the people in your life.

 

Ask Yourself These Self-Reflection Questions:

 

1. Do I bravely reveal my true self with others?
2. How can I strengthen relationships with the people in my life?
3. What do I love most about the close personal relationships I already have?

 
Think Successfully & Take Action!
Tracy Brinkmann
Today’s Top Motivated Success Coach
& Author of Success Atlas Goals Programs
PS
Be sure to come on by my social networking site and interact with like minded success focused people like yourself:  http://juntocrew.com/

 

PSS
Sign up for my ezine at http://successatlas.com

 

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